Yes, All Women

As I've shared with you, I spent the long Memorial Day weekend at WisCon, a convention of feminist science fiction/fantasy enthusiasts. It was a growth experience that caused a steep rise in my personal learning curve.

While I was hip deep in discussions about diversity and privilege, how to reach readers and sell myself, queer radical theory and medieval POC, a shocking act of misogyny was unfolding in Isla Vista, California. The #YesAllWomen phenomenon began to grow, forcing a public discussion that was far more divisive and dismissive than the ones going on all around me.

Many people have addressed the messages posted on #YesAllWomen (if you visit this page, please do not post for reasons you will see below) as well as the truly ugly misogyny displayed in the first days at #NotAllMen. There have been some excellent blog posts and ezine articles discussing both sides of the issue of whether or not women have the right to complain about being treated badly by men.

Yes. You read that right. The discussion is not about how women are hurt by our rape culture and male privilege, it's about women even bringing the subjects up at all. Some outrageous statements were made that basically shook down to 'if women would sleep with any man who wants them, men wouldn't join anti-women websites, write manifestos about how evil they are, or even take a bunch of loaded guns to hunt down any woman on the assumption she won't go to bed with him'. Excuse me while I, and the entire rest of the female populace of the world, cry BULLSHIT.

Okay, and then there are the feminist allies who also derailed the conversation by insisting they be recognized as 'not like that'. Women who posted their real life experiences were hunted down and hounded by men who demanded they stop being so angry at men. 'Only some guys do that, so you should only be angry at THOSE GUYS.'

Um yeah, maybe, but even feminist men are not innocent of this aura of privilege all men across the face of our planet have, that women are denied from birth. You all, every single one of you, benefit from this system in ways so subtle you don't even see it. By laughing at certain jokes, attending mainstream movies, participating in, or standing by in complicit silence while other men, and even unaware women, hold conversations where people are seen as 'other than' or 'less than' any man, you become part of the problem.

So, good men are upset. They want to be told how to fix the problem, how to stop the pain that the women they love suffer on and off throughout the entirety of their lives. They want to help. The only problem is, that's not the discussion at hand right now.

Women want to be heard, in our entirety and with every voice we have. We need to tell our stories, so that in the sheer strength of our numbers we find solace in not being isolated, set apart from or worse, against each other. This is our opportunity, a time to talk as women, to women, about being women. I want to hear from others like me in gender, and unlike me in so many other ways. I want to have my eyes opened to my own privileges, to see them for what they are and to work so all women enjoy the same privileges an accident of birth granted me. I need to rant about wrongs done to me, and empathize with the outrageous experiences of others. I want to weep on womanly shoulders and offer comfort with my feminine arms.

I have needed to have this conversation for fifty-seven long years, and I just don't have the time to be pulled aside and distracted by the needs of my male friends, no matter how loving and supportive they are. Guys, you're on your own for a while. I am not available to tend to your wishes (talking to you right now), wants (worrying over your feelings), and desires (to see you as heroes). I'm busy with more important stuff. Talk amongst yourselves and look within for answers. I see and recognize your statements of support, and somewhere deep inside me I thank you for them. But I don't want to talk to you, not at the moment.

I, and all women, must have this time to ourselves to mourn our dead and missing, to identify and localize horrific current events, to finally come to terms with the unfathomable depth of misogyny running through the cultures of the world. We need to self-identify and help our resistant sisters to lift the veil of our male centered societies from their eyes. We will heal from this and rise stronger, ready to reach out to allies and take up the intense struggle necessary to secure the safety of every, yes, all women.

And in an ironically infuriating addendum, I must report that the #YesAllWomen HT is being abandoned because its creator has been frightened sufficiently to request no one post to it any longer. Crazy people are making insane threats to her, and her family's, safety. Her situation has become a stark example of why we need to tell our stories and reclaim our strength, synergizing courage in numbers.

#EachEveryWoman is an excellent place to be right now.

Oh My Dear, #WisCon Was A Blast!

I'm so sorry I'm a day late in posting this week. I spent the long Memorial Day weekend at a fabulous convention for feminists and science fiction aficionados in Madison, Wisconsin. I'm sure WisCon will feature heavily in my blog posts for awhile, because I met wonderful people and was given so much to think about it will take months to filter through the old brain-pan.

This was the 38th year of WisCon, and I'm very sorry that I'm missed the last 37. Just imagine how much further I'd be along the road of writing if I'd attended every one! It boggles the mind.

Much of the conference centered around the reality of privilege, how to recognize when you have it, what steps you might take to counteract the effects of privilege, and how to be a constructive ally to those who are oppressed. It was most interesting to realize that most of us fit somewhere up or down the ladder of privilege. More on that in the next few days, I promise!

Tomorrow I will post another short short story, because I'm preparing a special post for Pride Month, which as everyone in the entire frickin' world ought to know by now is JUNE. Some celebrate the last weekend in the month, others choose to celebrate during the early part of June, and then there are those of us who celebrate the WHOLE month:

I wrote this several years ago in response to a woman's original post on Facebook, and her follow up response to me. To protect her privacy, I've omitted her name and words, but I'm sure you'll get the gist.

D., I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I've known you as a FB friend and Farm Ville neighbor. I believe you to be a good kind woman, and I'll miss you.

But I am a lesbian in love with the finest woman I have ever known. She and I share two daughters, and four grandchildren. We are normal people, just like you. We go fishing, mow the lawn, take care of our family and house, pay our taxes, bury our dead and celebrate our births. We go to church, read ourselves to sleep, bake food when someone's ill, visit with the neighbors, and shop in local stores.

You're choosing to follow the teachings of your church - not your religion. Your family is Christian, and my family is Christian. Your church teaches one thing, ours another. Yours teaches exclusion, ours inclusion, yours will tolerate a penitent sinner, ours doesn't offer mere tolerance, but total WWJD acceptance. We choose our religions, and our churches. I never chose my sexuality, I was born this way.

Your choice to help maintain the inequality between heterosexuals and gay folks is a deliberate choice to make me and my family 'less than’ you and your family, separate from you and yours. But separate is never equal D. And your choice to support inequality is a clear decision to continue hurting my family.

We are American citizens, and as such we are GUARANTEED equality under the law. Since you choose to ignore our Constitutional rights and our very real needs as a flesh and blood family filled with hope, love, and laughter, I will delete you as a friend after giving you a chance to respond to this post.

I wish you well, both you and your family. May you never, ever, have to watch one of them suffer being a second class citizen in his own country, the land of his birth.

Oh, and unless someone's lying, Jesus died for me too. I stand up for Him every single time I stand up for equality, and acceptance, and love.

And I just have.

 TWO HOURS LATER:

Ah, D. See? I knew you were a good kind woman. I've just been able to feel that about you since I've known you.

The problem is choice. You believe the idea that every single gay or lesbian has chosen to become one. I know that isn't true. I know for a fact that some of us were identifiably gay before we even learned to talk. And others of us have been so terrified by beliefs such as yours that we deny the truth even to ourselves for many many years. But we are as God made us, and eventually we find the path He chose for us. If we're lucky He helps us find a soul mate to make a home and family with.

 I wonder just how many close friends you have that are either gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans. I'm pretty sure you have identified a hair dresser or two, but I doubt you're friendly enough to really know their lives, their partners, their families. I think it's much more likely that you've been told by someone, or the TV, or you heard a story from somewhere, and most likely a combination of all three about people making the 'choice' to be gay or lesbian. Because D., as I think we both can agree, I live in and among a LOT more LGBT folk than you do and I'd say at least 95% insist, as I do, that we had no choice. My sexual orientation was mine at birth, just as yours was. And after years of self-loathing, doubt, and fear I found a welcoming church of Lutherans who helped me understand more about just who I am, and where I fit in God's plan.

Biblical interpretation is a fascinating topic. Your church's ministry obviously focuses on the Old Testament which is filled with various abominations that most of the civilized world no longer fear, such as raising two crops side by side in the same field, or touching the skin of a pig, or eating shellfish. I don't for a moment think that your church condones execution for insolent teenagers, or forcing a woman who's just given birth to stay in her home for weeks. You've stopped focusing on those commands of the Old Testament, and don't give a moment's thought to enforcing them. But you do focus on this one, ancient command to despise gay men. The Old Testament were the laws we followed before Christ's birth, when we were still Jews. The New Testament gives us His life, and His words to follow. You ignore the fact that Christ Himself said not one word against gays or lesbians in the entire New Testament.

My church's ministry focuses heavily on the words of Christ, and following His commands to judge not, lest ye be judged, to give unto these, the least of Mine, and to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. My fellow Lutherans do not merely tolerate me as an unrepentant sinner, they welcome me in acceptance as one of God's children and help guide me in ways that celebrate the life of Jesus Christ. I won't be looking for any guidance from groups that refuse to recognize that I am as God made me, whole and complete. I've found a church that satisfies all my spiritual needs, and expands them.

What you don't understand is that your vote to keep marriage only to yourself, and adopting children only to yourself, and sharing health benefits with your mate only to yourself, and bringing a foreign love to America only to yourself, and all the other literally thousands of rights only to yourself is shouting to the world: Heterosexuals are better than gays! LOOK! We get all these goodies, and they don't! We win!

In my eyes, that's not a very Christian attitude. I've been to churches like yours, was raised in one. Have you ever visited a church like mine? If not, please do. You'll be welcome! And maybe when you can love one of us in true Christian fellowship, the mote will fall from your eyes and you'll see the Truth that God doesn't make mistakes and has created a world with heterosexuals, and lesbians, and gays. Then you'll have to explain to Him just why you chose to discriminate against some of His children. But He'll forgive you when you're truly repentant, He always does!

I'm saying this next part gently, because I know you're a woman of good intent and I don't wish to offend you. But I will state my truths.

I will delete you as a friend, because I cannot continue to enrich your life in even the smallest way with my FV gifts and FB friendship while you actively seek to deny my family their basic civil rights. You're my oppressor, and I don't play games with people who are part of a majority keeping down a minority.

You (and all the others like you) are the reason I was not allowed to be with my Beloved in the hospital when she had a heart attack. You're the reason that my girls suffered intolerable rudeness and incivility because of who their Moms are. You're the reason our legally obtained marriage certificate was stripped from us, leaving us once more in legal limbo. You're the reason we pay more in taxes as individuals than you do as part of a married couple, pay more for health coverage and insurance. You're the reason we walk the streets ever vigilant against physical attack. You're the reason that I won't be able to go to a retirement home with my lifelong love. You're the reason that I've lived as a second class citizen in my own country. You're the reason so many people feel justified in cruelty and attacks against LGBT folk and their families. You're the reason so many young people develop serious depression, self-hatred and self-harming actions up to and including suicide. Your actions have already cost me and my family way too much, and other poor souls much, much more.

You might just as well pick up a spray can and decorate your garage door with: GOD HATES GENTA.

Goodbye D. - God's Peace be with you.

When Prompts Lead to the Weird

Tonight there is a brand new meteor shower in the sky. 

I am on the road, attending the WisCon conference for Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers and Feminists. Yes, highly specialized and right up my alley. You might wonder how I'll ever segue between the two.

I'll do so by leaving you today with another bit of fancy sparked in the sky. Enjoy the meteor shower, and the story below.

SHE DANCED FROM ROOFTOP TO ROOFTOP

The falling star shot through the firmaments, lighting the night sky with brilliance.

It was the way of things when you have lived your life as a star. First you’re majestic in your golden youth, then resplendent in the red heat of dying. But once a star explodes and sends out her billion bits of self she becomes the thing of legend, lighting the way for those afraid or worried. When a meteor is dying, she brightens the skies with her story, granting wishes along the way.

On this night, the meteor showered down upon the young planet not long after sunset, catching the dreamers out staring at the sky. A thousand wishes a second were given to her and she blazed through the atmosphere bravely, granting and refusing them at her whim.

But rather than burn up, this meteor grew strangely stronger. Her light glowed, then glared, then finally absorbed the sky like a sun. Just before hitting the Earth’s surface she metamorphosed into a woman of ephemeral beauty and danced from rooftop to rooftop, footsteps of fire lighting her path with destruction.

One after another the wooden buildings fell victim to her heat. Blazes roared around her as she brought her destructive beauty to life once more. Once a star, she now became the spirit of fire. The cold indifference of her life above had transformed into a heated passion on this world. Now instead of granting wishes, she granted disaster, reminding her once again that transformation is a bitch.

... In Bed!

If you come from a certain time and a certain place, you'll know about the ... in bed! game. I have played it numerous times with friends as we eat in Chinese food restaurants. It goes like this: you eat your dinner and when the fortune cookies arrive, everyone picks one. Then you take turns reading your fortune aloud but always adding at the end, "... in bed!" Hilarity ensues.         

Here are some examples:  "You are a good and kind friend... in bed!" or "Good luck is coming your way... in bed!" 

Anywho... this phrase popped up as a story prompt one night, and this was the result:

IN BED!

“In bed? You’re telling me the cat is in bed? Why? Is Dirty Nose tired, or sick? I’ve never heard of someone keeping a cat in bed.” The sound of a very large nose being blown was heard over the line.

“No, Uncle Ed, inbred, the cat is inbred,” his niece Kathy said as distinctly as she could, but it was clear the old man’s hearing was giving him fits again. He probably had yet another head cold.

“Bread? The cat is in the bread? Well chase him off the counter and out the door. Germs, germs all over the place. You young people don’t know any better than to keep dirty cat’s paws off the counter?”

“Uncle Ed, I’m telling you that Dirty Nose seems to be inbred. There’s a problem with her bones, they’re too fragile.”

“Agile? You say the cat’s agile? Well I guess it would be if it’s jumping from the bed to the counter top. What’s the problem with the cat being agile?”

“Fragile, Unc. Fragile.” Kathy was getting frustrated. “Do you have your ears on?” she asked, referring to his hearing aid.

“Seshwan? The cat’s eating your Seshwan? What are you doing eating that spicy stuff anyway, little girl? Don’t you have that gird your loins, stuff?

“Gird my loin stuff?” Kathy had to pause to puzzle that one out. “Oh you mean GIRD, gastric intestinal reflux disease. Yes, I have it, but I’m not eating Schezwan, I’m trying to tell you about Dirty Nose.”

“Why would I want to hear about your dirty clothes?” her favorite uncle asked, confused. “Seems to me there’s only one thing to do about that, wash them.”

“Uncle Ed, listen to me please. This is about Dirty Nose, remember, the cat you gave me for Christmas. The vet says he’s inbred. Do you know who the parents were? Were they close?”

“Still talking about clothes? Well I’ll send you some money so you can buy some detergent. I thought you were making good money at that job of yours.”

“I am making good money, Unc.” Kathy was speaking louder and louder. “What I need to know is who were Dirty Nose’s parents.”

“Parrots? I don’t have any parrots, or any other birds for that matter. I have Fluffy Boots, and His Nibs, but that’s it. I don’t want any more pets, that’s why I gave the kittens away.”

Closing in on the topic now, Kathy hurried to take advantage of the moment. “Yes, Unc, about Fluffy Boots and His Nibs. Are they siblings?”

“Scribbling? Hell no, they’re cats, Kathy. What’s gotten into you today? Cats don’t scribble, they can’t even hold a pencil. No opposable thumbs you know.” There was a pause on his end of the line. “I’ve got to go now Kathy. Your Aunt Snicklepuss is calling me to come to dinner.”

“Oh, that you hear, huh?” she muttered. “Okay, Uncle Ed. I guess that’s all I wanted to say.”

“I’ll send you a check next week to cover your laundry detergent. Keep those clothes clean so you can keep that nice job of yours. Maybe they’ll give you a promotion so you can earn enough to buy your own soap.”

“Yes, maybe,” answered his favorite niece. “I love you,” she finished up.

“Glove me? Okay, I could use a new pair of winter gloves, but I don’t know where you’ll find any during the heat of the summer. Bye, Kathy. Give my love to your mother.”

“My lover?” Kathy answered wickedly. “Okay, I will, but boy won't he’ll be surprised.”

copyright @ Genta Sebastian 2014