Three months ago, while I was busily putting 50,000 words of a novel together during National Novel Writing Month, a curious thing happened. I'd recently started The Ladies Who Write, a group of women authors who get together to write, discuss ideas, hash out difficult plot problems and other things. Because of the nature of the book I had just finished writing,
, I had outted
myself as a lesbian to them. One night, just before last Thanksgiving, I was
gathering my things to leave a meeting when one of the authors, Renae Edwards, asked me, “Why are gays
pedophiles?”
As the words left my eardrum and traveled to my brain, a
defensive fight or flight instinct kicked in. I looked her right in the eye and
said, “I’m going to knock you down,” and I said it with a smile.
“I’m going to knock you down,” I said, with slightly more warning
to my tone and decidedly more assertion.
“No, really, I was a Jehovah's Witness for eighteen years, and that’s what I’ve heard. That’s all I know,”
Renae said with such an ingenuous smile I had no choice but to take her at her
word. So rather than knock her down, we sat down together and began a long conversation
that has gone on for many weeks now.
The other day I was bemoaning my lack of ideas for this blog. She suggested I do an interview with someone who had once held prejudiced views concerning homosexuality and has since changed her mind. I thought that was a wonderful idea. Here are author Renae Edward's responses to my questions:
First of all, Renae, thank you for doing this. I know it’s
probably not easy for you.
Hello Genta. Thank you for
interviewing me. I want to take a moment to catch your readers up on a little
about me and why I agreed to this interview. In 1994 I met a nice woman who I
began studying the Bible with. A year later I was baptized as a Jehovah’s
Witness. The next 18 years I tried to be the model Witness and kept my thinking
in line with what I was taught. Four years ago my second son told me he didn’t
want to be a Jehovah’s Witness and that crumbled the remaining support
structures of my desire to continue being an active Jehovah’s Witness.
I am not blaming my sons for my
decision to go inactive. Though I felt and feel that there are many good
qualities about Jehovah’s Witnesses and that they come much closer than some
churches to following the Bible, I realized that no matter what religion,
church or sect, they were all based on someone’s view of the Bible. Each view
being different, but most not necessarily wrong.
I also grew tired of being told
that I needed to spend more time out in service –going door to door – and less
on trying to write my fantasy novels.
So, after eighteen years of
looking to others for the shaping of our opinions, Ayron, my husband, and I
stepped back and began making our own decisions. I spent a lot of time on the
fence the first couple of years after leaving the Kingdom Hall, but I find
myself becoming more opinionated and firmer in my opinions.
Based on your first question to me, I've put together a list of
prejudiced statements. Could you tell us if you've ever believed any of
the following statements?
1.
Gays are pedophiles.
I never believed
that all gays were pedophiles, nor that all pedophiles were gay, but I was of
the impression that both were choices that needed to be fought to be a good Christian.
2.
Gays are damned to Hell.
No,
but here is the twist. Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in Hell. We are taught
that Hell actually means the common grave. Ecclesiastes 9:5 is the main
scripture used to explain the belief. “For the living are conscious that they
will die; but as for the dead they are conscious of nothing at all…” Jehovah’s
Witnesses believe and I still do also that when we die we are dead until
Jehovah God decides to resurrect us all as stated by Acts 24:15 “and I have
hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there
is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous.”
3.
Gays are, or will become, diseased and doomed to
die early.
No, I
do not believe all homosexuals are or will become diseased because they are gay.
I do believe that some lead reckless lifestyles by refusing to use proper
protection and that has lead to a higher incidence of AID especially in the
male gay community. But the same can be said of needle using drug users and
young heterosexual adults who can’t comprehend dying yet and also choose not to
use proper protection.
4.
Gays cannot be monogamous. They all have
multiple partners.
Here
is where I show what a shallow thinker I am. It never crossed my mind one way
or the other. My thought process stopped at 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 10 “What! Do
YOU not know that unrighteous person will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be
mislead, Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for
unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, 10 nor thieves, nor greedy
persons nor drunkards, nor revilers, no extortioners will inherit God’s
Kingdom?” I honestly never gave a thought to how homosexuals hooked up. It was
a sin and that was that.
5.
Gays want to recruit straight people, to turn
them into perverts just like themselves.
I
never believed that gays could recruit straight people. We come back to I never
thought about it that deeply. I do remember my last step father worrying that
my mother’s gay friend was checking him out. I used to think that was funny.
6.
Gays choose perversion, walk willingly into sin,
and they must pay.
There
was a time that I believed that being gay was a choice and I clumped all gays
in the same category or pedophiles. Both acts were wrong and it was a sickness
that needed to be fought. I have grown and no longer believe it is a choice and
I no longer lump the two acts together.
7.
To support gays in any way, even to tolerate
them, is to defy the word of God and flout His teachings.
Even
as an active Jehovah’s Witness I didn’t believe that way. I did believe that
some people were bad association. And the Bible says at 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do
not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.”
I
remember using this quote on my sons when they hung with a person that I felt
was encouraging them do things that I felt were wrong, like smoking, stealing
or being mean to other people.
8.
It is possible to love the sinner, but hate the
sin. But the sinners better wake up and stop all that sinning because until
they do the Lord’s judgment will lay heavy on them.
At the
beginning I mentioned that we all see things differently, that is true even for
Jehovah’s Witnesses. I took to some verses more so than others.
1.
John 6:4 “God is
love”
2.
Luke 6:42 “How can
you say to your brother, ‘Brother, allow me to extract the straw that is in
your eye,’ while you yourself are not looking at the rafter in that eye of
yours?” Hypocrite! First extract the rafter from your own eye, and then you
will see clearly how to extract the straw that is in your brother’s eye” I
always felt I had plenty of rafters in my own eye.
3.
And finally Matthew
7:1 “Judge not, that ye be not judged…”
9.
Children who are exposed to gays are more likely
to become gay themselves.
No, I
don’t believe and never have. I did at one time lump pedophiles and homosexuals
together and feared letting my boys around my one step brother because he had
been molested as a child and it was never clear if he was gay or not. All I
knew is I didn’t want him around my children. Please know there was a lot more
involved. He was always strange and a little off and after what I went through
as a child it is amazing I trusted even my husband alone with my boys when they
were little.
10.
Civil Unions is enough. Marriage is just a word
- one kept strictly for straights.
I
believe that as we in society accept that homosexuals should be able to have
the same rights as heterosexuals, then yes, they should be able to marry,
definitely in a civil union, but if they want to get married in a church that
is a fight that the individuals will have to take on with the churches of their
choice. Just as I believe it is right for gays to choose to express their love,
people in churches have the same right to disagree.
11.
The idea of gay sex is icky, gross, disgusting,
etc…
This
is a bit of an unfair question. There are certain sex acts I think are icky and
gross no matter who does them!
Renae, have you changed your opinion about any of those statements?
What happened, and why did you change your mind?
I no longer lump homosexuals and
pedophiles in the same category. Homosexuals are usually two adults or young
adults choosing to be together. Pedophiles force children whether they be of
the same sex or not. And I don’t care what anyone says any child under the age
of 16 cannot make a truly informed choice even if they think they can.
I also know what the Bible says,
I have read it through several times, but I have taken from it that God is love
and I need to mind my own business and let him have the final say. I personally
think if we all did a little more of that the world would be a better place.
You are a mother with grown sons. What do you think you
taught your boys, when they were growing up, to think about gays?
I know what I taught them. I
taught them what I have said here today. In our family we always emphasized
love. We tried to keep the lines of communication open and when I watched the
Canadian show “Degrassi High” and it hit on a subject that I felt I needed to
talk to the boys about, I did. Yes, even homosexuality. I admitted my confusion
about how I felt and the suffering portrayed on there by the one young man who
was gay.
How would you have reacted if one of your sons had come out
to you as gay a five years ago, and how do you think you’d react if one came
out today?
I would have been devastated at
first. I was a Bible toting Jehovah’s Witness. I can say with a certainty that
would have been how I felt. My response would have been to accept them. I had
to do that when my eldest son moved in with his then girlfriend. I didn’t stop
loving him then and by Jehovah’s Witnesses standards he was living in sin.
Now, I wouldn’t blink an eye. I
would meet the young person they chose and would like them based on their
personalities as I have my sons girlfriends.
What advice would you offer to those who still believe any
of those statements above?
I can’t give people advice. I
mean I can, but I can’t expect them to take it. We each have to make decisions
for ourselves. Whether a person believes in God or that we came from a
primordial soup that got zapped just right, we, as humans, have the ability to
choose. They must choose what kind of person they want to be. I want to be
loving, kind, and friendly.
Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Thank you for interviewing me
and allowing me to show that we all change and grow. Some would say I have
grown for the better others not, but what I know is that there was a time I
needed the strict confines of being a Jehovah’s Witness and the firm guidance
that the Bible provided. Now I feel that I am a better person because of what I
learned, mainly to “Love your neighbor as yourself”. I know I don’t want to be
judged because of my sexual preferences, religious choice or the color of my
skin. I want to be judged for the person I am, the actions I take and the
kindness I show others.
Thank you Renae. I appreciate the time and effort you've taken to answer my questions so honestly.
FOLLOW UP THOUGHTS: I was of
the opinion, since her original question to me was, "Why are gays
pedophiles?" that Renae was quite prejudiced. I assumed that she also
believed at least some of the
other most popular stereotypes. I found it hard to believe that someone who'd confused pedophilia with
being gay did not
accept any of the other stereotypes about gays. Clearly, according to Renae, I was mistaken.
I
thought she was offering me an "I've completely changed my attitude
about gays," interview, but what she has given me is an "I have always
been accepting and
was only confused about pedophiles and gays both choosing to sin,"
piece. I'm sure the fault was mine. I must not have understood her
original offer very well.
Still, it's interesting to note that someone
can hold only a single prejudice concerning gays, without also accepting
the other most common stereotypes as truth.Whew! What a relief!
